Life as a young biracial black woman in todays political climate is no walk in the park. Shocker, I know. I have been screamed at on the streets, called an unholy mix of races, and told to burn in hell. It may be surprising, but it is not these sorts of offensive comments that bother me the most. It is the more subtle remarks that get under my skin, because it is difficult to address an offensive statement made by someone who does not understand why it was offensive. These types of comments are called microaggressions. Microaggressions are defined as, a comment or action that subtly and often unconsciously or unintentionally expresses a prejudiced attitude towards a marginalized group. Let me give you an example.
Many people have commented on my speech and my ability to articulate, emphasizing the observation that I dont talk black, or sound ghetto. This is meant to be a compliment, but is inappropriate in several ways. First, it implies I exceeded the expectation that I would not be well-spoken. This in turn contributes to the idea that black people are inherently uneducated, and African American dialect is invalid. Secondly, it creates an opposition between me and my fellow people of color by creating a competition I did not sign up for. Thirdly, it is presumptuous. Talking black is referring to African American Vernacular English (AAVE). AAVE is cultural, and as a matter of fact, I use it often in my daily life. However, I also do what is commonly known as code-switching. Code-switching refers to the way I change my dialect based on my setting and who I am speaking to.
As you can tell, I am deeply offended by the microaggression that I do not talk black, while the person I am speaking to is left confused, wondering how the conversation took such a turn. Therein lies the problem. Well-intentioned comments about how a person defies a stereotype are problematic in the way they validate the stereotype itself.
Unfortunately, for members of marginalized groups, this is a frequent occurrence. I have always been able to identify that this is an issue, but I have never been quite sure how it should be addressed. Uncomfortable situations such as these can be hard to avoid, because oftentimes, you dont know until you know. It takes a learning experience and an open mind to truly create change.
In August, Allen Community College invited diversity speaker Sharyon Culberson to present to the student body, and something that stuck out to me was her advice on conflict resolution. I learned the most important step of resolving an altercation in which youve offended someone is apologizing. Everyones emotions are valid, and if a person brings it to your attention that you have offended them, take responsibility. Do not get defensive. Use this interaction to reflect on your words, and be grateful that you have an opportunity to improve your character. You should also use the circumstance as a learning moment. Ask for clarity on what you did wrong, and listen intently for how you can do better next time.
So many of our disputes could be solved if all parties are slower to anger. Mistakes happen. Yet, if the offender so to speak, is open to learning, and the offended individual is open to teaching, then a negatively charged interaction can be turned into a productive moment of reflection and change.
I have always said that my first reaction is not my best reaction. I believe this to be true of everyone. It is difficult not to jump into a situation with my voice raised and emotions high. I am still learning how to react with my mind first and my mouth second. It takes time, but the greatest advice I could ever offer you is this: do not stop at your first reaction. Step back, look at all angles of an issue with unbiased eyes, take a breath, and work toward your best reaction. We would all be better people for it.
